Me, You, and Meme Reviews: Horse Head Mask PART II

Welcome to the conclusion of Me, You, and Meme Reviews: HORSE HEAD MASK!

What is Me, You, and Meme Reviews? Well first off, you can go back to read the first part of the Horse Head special, or see ALL our features here. But I’ll tell you, I’LL TELL YOU. MYMR is when we here at Review Party Dot Com find a product that had reviews and internet culture propel it to new heights. Like the Three Wolf Moon shirt, the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer, the Bic for Her Pens. We do a bit of research on how and why and when they rose to “fame,” we delve into some of the funniest reviews we can find, and then we get the product ourselves, write a real review (as it deserves) and a fake/funny one (for our own enjoyment).

Before we get into that, we have some more business to do, to catch everyone up.

The Washington Post reports that Archie McPhee began making the mask in 2003, but it wouldn’t gain a mass following until 2008 when a Japanese performance artist named “Wotaken” filmed himself cooking/eating psychedelic mushrooms, naked, while wearing a horsehead mask.

Then in 2010, this was captured on Google Streetview:

There’s a lot of visibility on Google. You know where there’s even more? With a president:

So you can see why this sucker was everywhere.

But that’s not why you’re here. You’re here for our reviews. Well, Amazon hasn’t yet approved them, but we have the words written elsewhere. So without further ado, our fake and facetious review.

Maximum Horsepower

Excalibur. The Holy Grail. The Shroud of Turin.

Nothing but knickknacks compared to the Horse Head Mask. Trinkets, baubles, and doodads.

Think about the hardest days of your life- you get fired, you crash your car, your baby runs away. Now picture yourself enshrouded with the cold, unmoving eyes of a rubber horse and a little tuft of hair that's teased by the breeze. Guess what? You can kick your boss in the face on your way to bigger and better things. You don't NEED your car, because YOU are a HORSE! Your baby? It is a giggling beauty, bouncing on your bare back as you speed off, triumphant across the land.

Now picture the best days, BUT BETTER! You are wedded to a dream incarnate, and guess what, she LOVES horses. She pets your pretty head. You whinnie, you neigh. It's the big football game, coach is finally giving you the nod, and guess who is SACKING TROY, fumble recovery, game winning touchdown. That's you tiger. Horse. Tigerhorse! You win the lottery, you're on the news, and ALL of your family starts coming out of the woodwork. Lucky for you, you can smell a thoroughbred a mile away, and those distant relative dingdongs ain't gonna pass muster. You're a horse, man! And you can do anything you want.

Live as a horse, die as a horse, just remember to try as a horse. See you all in the great glue factory in the sky!

clop-clop-CLOP clop-clop-CLOP clop-clop-CLOP

FOUR STARS

And now, the factual review.

Novel(to a)ty

Most masks are novelties, I guess, but this one seems to have run it's course. NO, I am not making a joke, I don't WRITE jokes in my reviews, who DOES that? I just mean that a regular old Old Man mask might be funny. It's kind of generic enough. A yoda mask or crypt keeper or the scream ghoul? Classic fun, never gonna get old. But we are beating a dead horse with this one. NO, I am not making a JOKE. Why would you THINK that?

You want the deets? You're gonna need to be led by the bridle if you expect to wear this for any amount of time. True as a horse, this sucker gives you blinders. Yes, you could cut out the tongue like some suggest, but if you do that, I want you to take a good look at your life. Preferably in the mirror, with the mask on, scissors in one hand, horse mask tongue in the other. How did you get here. And WHY does this thing smell so bad?

That rubber mask smell? It's like this steed has been bred purely to hone it's ability to smell. Air it out. Good luck.

Is it funny? It looks funny, sure. It's got the eyes, it's got the teeth. It has you, a willing host, offering up your taste, your dignity, your future. Are you willing to abandon all those. All the virtues you've gained in your non horse years? If that's what you want, then fine. Fine, I DON'T WANT YOU HERE.

Smacks you on the butt so you take off running into the distance.

And don't come back. Don't hurt me again.

TWO STARS

So there you have it! Do you need one? NO. Is it kinda funny? Kinda. Is it kinda played out? Yeah, man, sorry to say. Are you returning the mask? What does this face tell you?