Look, I know why you’re here. You’re a little sadistic, but also a little mirthful maybe? You’re into schadenfreude, whether you know it or not.

To put it plainly, you like reading about the intense gastrointestinal episodes experienced by those unfortunate enough to eat a handful of sugar free gummy bears.

But before I indulge in the yuks, let me remind myself of the blog’s title, or the key word in it: REVISITED.

Sure, man, set the scene or whatever

Thanks, I will! I mean, it’s my blog after all, the blogging home of Review Party Dot Com (the podcast that reviews internet reviews).

We at RPDC have coined a term for a type of product that gains a cult following on the internet. Think the Three Wolf Moon Shirt, the Bic for Her Pen, the Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer. These are Meme Review Products, which we feature on our Me, You, and Meme Review segments.

SO YES. REVISITED means that I have already covered the devilish sugar free bears already; here is the history and background, and here is my review after trying the delights.

And what did I find out in those earlier editions?

For starters, a lot of people consumed these, without reading the warning label! Said label warns that the maltitol (sugar alternative) can cause “discomfort.” It’s because our bodies can’t break the stuff down.

You know what else I learned? It was never Haribo at all! At least not that I can see.

Not only has the COO gone on record saying they wouldn’t offer a sugar free product because, and I quote “Too much sugar-free product can act like a laxative,” but Haribo’s customer service also confirmed they offer no sugar free products. Their product page confirms this.

FURTHER, friends, I’ve gone month by month on the Wayback Machine, checking the Amazon listing which made these reviews famous, and there is never a sugar free variety offered, only a five lb. bag and various other sizes, all of which list sugar as an ingredient. In fact, these reviews were so old, they were left at a time when you could comment on someone else’s review. What did I see? People imploring those writing the diarrhea diaries to leave their review on the proper product.

In any case, you didn’t come here for my ranting, you came to see some funny reviews and maybe to hear about trouble in my own bowels. Without further ado, some reviews I scraped from the web:

HOLY HECK, we’ve got breaking research cutting into this blog. Be back soon!